Daily Jokes for Teams

My cat walked across the keyboard and emailed the whole team gibberish. Two people replied 'great point.'

I've been muted so long the team thinks I have great listening skills.

What do you call an all-hands at 4pm Friday? Hostage negotiation.

What do you call a meeting with decisions? Science fiction.

Somewhere a man has been on mute for nine minutes, and his coworkers have never been happier.

Q: What's the hardest WFH task? A: Looking busy on camera doing nothing.

Q: What's the scariest sound on Zoom? A: 'You're still on mute' after a 2-minute explanation.

When you say let's circle back, where do you go? Anywhere but back.

What do you call 'let's parking lot that'? Professional ghosting.

What do you call a meeting with no video? A podcast nobody asked for.

Why did the laptop go to therapy? Too many unresolved tabs.

My coworker assigns action items the way I make New Year's resolutions: loudly, publicly, and never again.

What do you call a meeting with no action items? A support group.

Why did my pajama pants get promoted? Three years of perfect attendance.

What do you call eight hours of video calls? A face transplant.

We're 'one big family,' my boss said, which explains why I'm overworked, underpaid, and not allowed to leave.

Why was my last presentation so well received? I was on mute the whole time.

Why did the email attend the meeting? To prove it could have handled this alone.

Nothing unites a remote team like watching one guy talk for ten minutes before realizing he's muted.

Every all-hands ends with 'any questions,' a phrase scientifically engineered to end all questions.

What's the difference between a meeting and a hostage situation? Snacks.

Why did the meeting end early? Just kidding, that never happens.

What do you call a meeting with no decisions made? Practice for tomorrow's meeting.

My boss asked if home has too many distractions. I said hold on, my toast just popped.

What do you call someone who joins every call on time? New.

Q: What's a WFH promotion? A: More emails, same pajamas.

Why did the brainstorm have a parking lot? For all the ideas they drove away from.

What do you call 'quick sync'? A 45-minute lie.

Why do remote workers love Slack? It's the only place slacking counts as working.

My calendar looks like Tetris if Tetris hated you.

What do you call a meeting without an agenda? Hostage situation.

Why did the meeting run long? Someone asked if there were any questions.

The interviewer asked about my background, so I panicked and switched it from a beach to a bookshelf.

What do you call a call with bad WiFi? Robot karaoke.

What do you call a standup that lasts an hour? A sitdown.

Why did the remote worker's long-distance relationship end? Connection issues.

We had a whole meeting to align, and by the end we were perfectly aligned on needing another meeting.