Joke of the Day

What do you call Batman's dog? The Bark Knight.

What did the shark say after eating a clownfish? That tasted a bit funny.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Why did the plant win the school award? It was out-standing in its field!

What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you barium.

What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

My teacher says I'm average. I think that's mean.

Why did the bicycle fall over at practice? It was two tired.

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles with my coffee. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I'm not an early bird or night owl. I'm a permanently exhausted pigeon.

Why did the moss grow on the tree? It took a lichen to it.

What do you call Spider-Man's side hustle? A web developer.

My wife said I only hear what I want to hear. I said thanks, you look great too.

My parrot died today. His last words were, 'I think my parrot is dying.'

What do you call a regex that actually works? Witchcraft.

What do you call a firefly that can't glow? Delighted.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a fart in an elevator? Wrong on so many levels.

What do you call a pig that paints? Pig-casso.

Why did the soup blush? It saw the salad undressing.

Q: What did the buffalo say to his son leaving? A: Bison!

What do you call a pitch deck with 80 slides? A hostage situation.

What do you call a pig doing karate? A pork chop!

What fruit contains barium and double sodium? Banana.

What do you call Iron Man doing laundry? Tony Starch.

Why do bands have so many problems? Too much sax and violins.

I asked Siri for a joke. She showed me my bank balance.

What do you call 'quick sync'? A 45-minute lie.

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.

Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy forever.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir, your account is overdue.

What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long? A pi-thon.

What do you call a baby who sleeps through the night? Someone else's.

What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.

What do you call a frog that parks illegally? Toad.

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just Halloween!

My boat's name is Denial. I'm in it right now.

What did the eraser say to the pencil? You make a lot of mistakes, but I got your back.

I trained my dog to bring me wine. He's a Bordeaux collie.

What do you call a royal fart? A noble gas.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I accidentally drank food coloring in my coffee. I dyed a little inside.

At my age, 'getting lucky' means walking into a room and remembering why.

I told my teacher I was sick of fractions. She said that's only half the problem.

What do you call Iron Man without his suit? Stark naked.

What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic.

Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c-- MOOOOO!