Dad Jokes, Delivered Daily

Why don't you find hippopotamuses hiding in trees? They're really good at it.

Why did the cat put the letter M in the freezer? To turn ice into mice.

What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis? A hoarse doctor.

What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador.

Why are rivers always rich? Because they have two banks!

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

Why is tennis so expensive? The whole sport is built around a racket.

Why don't frogs park in the wrong spot? They don't want to get toad.

How early does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.

What do you call a frog that parks illegally? Toad.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Why did the skunk win the talent show? It had great scents.

What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeño business.

Why did the pony cough? Because he was a little horse.

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail, the other tags a whale.

Why don't koalas count as bears? They don't meet the koalafications!

What do you call a potato that's afraid to jump in the pool? A hesi-tater.

What do you call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate clauses!

What do you call a turtle who takes up photography? A snapper.

What do you call a pig doing karate? A pork chop!

Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.

What do you call a row of rabbits hopping backward? A receding hare line.

What's my most reliable kitchen timer? The smoke alarm.

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor.

How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool.

Why did the spaghetti go to sleep? It was pasta bedtime.

What do you call a fish that needs help singing? Auto-tuna!

Why did the yogurt go to the art museum? It was cultured.

What do you call a pea that falls off your plate? An esca-pea.

What do you call a squirrel in space? An astro-nut.

What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!

What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.

What do you call a leaf that's in charge? The branch manager.

What do you call a magical lemon? Sublime!

Knock knock. Who's there? Nacho. Nacho who? Nacho business!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

Where do mice park their boats? At the hickory dickory dock.

Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 24 carrots.

What do you call a coffee that's always late? Better latte than never.

Why was the dog walking on the treadmill? Because he was a little husky.

Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because it couldn't find a date.

What do you call cheese by itself? Provolone.

What's a potato's favorite horror movie? Silence of the Yams.

What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.

What do you call a train carrying gum? A chew chew train.

Why do zebras have stripes? So they don't get spotted.